Courage, Fear and Faith

The days are difficult.  They call for courage and faith-Thomas Merton

I started to put together these thoughts a few days ago, but this morning in church Pastor Dan helped me finish my thoughts.  I have also been collecting quotes from all the reading that I do and have included some of those.

I don't feel very courageous.  I am afraid much of the time.  I need to remind myself that people that have shown great courage were also afraid.  They still acted.  Courage requires some kind of action even if I am afraid.  I need to have faith that those actions will overcome the difficult days ahead of me.
I am physically weak, beaten up, and it would be very easy to give up, to sit down, to lie down and not get up.  What is difficult right now for me is walking up the the stairs, standing for any length of time, moving around and breathing deeply.  I am afraid, afraid that I will hurt, afraid that I will get stuck and not be able to get back to my car, my home, my chair.  I am afraid that I will have to get a needle poked into me again.  So many needles!  Please, no more needles!

Exodus and Kindergarten

Today I am going to share a memory from my childhood.  My past has a lot to do with who I am today, so I will be sharing stories off and on.  Today is one of those days.

Exodus-When I was in kindergarten, we had a bible story read to us everyday.  However, it only happened when we went to Miss Kitley's classroom.  Mrs. Ainsworth didn't read bible stories.  At least I don't remember her reading them to us.  It could be that we always went to Miss Kitley for bible story time.  Two Kindergarten classes, two very different teachers.  Miss Kitley was happy and bubbly and fun.  Mrs. Ainsworth was large, gruff and a disciplinarian.

So Exodus.  Both classes, sitting on the floor and Miss Kitley was reading from the Illustrated Bible Story Books that you could get sent to your house every few weeks.  Boy, did I want those books!  Too expensive according to my Mama.  I know that Mrs. Fleming, next door had them.  They were a Catholic family and maybe my Mama thought it was just for Catholic families.  I don't know.  She had some rigid ideas about religion. Dr. Doty, our family doctor, had them in his office too. I don't remember what church he went to. Anyways, I digress- still bitter about not getting the books.

I Can't Find My Blog

I have avoided it for as long as I can.  I have set up special spaces in the house.  Moved those spaces.  Filled them with all my little chotzkes to make the space perfect.  I found the perfect chair, that didn't turn out to be perfect.  Found another chair.  It still isn't comfortably perfect.  Found the perfect pens-Pilot V7 rolling ball, fine point, blue.  The perfect paper.  Yellow pads from Costco with heavy cardboard back.  Sams doesn't have the heavy cardboard back.  I have filled notebooks with quotes.  Read inspirational materials to help me get ready.  I even set up a beautiful blog page with a perfect title, Unaccounted For, So Far.  It has a beautiful background with Cherry Blossoms on it.  It is perfect.  I have every office supply that I could ever need.  I was finally ready.  I had talked about it.  I had planned for it.  I had it all set...